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9 Items You Will Need To Survive 2017

16:32Ciaran McCormick


2016 was a rough year and despite our joyful celebration of the New Year, 2017 will probably be rotten too. Buy everything on this survival list and you might just survive. You probably won't.

1) A Child's First Book of Trump



Your children will be asking questions such as - 'who is that orange man screaming on the television?' Explain to them and try to understand yourself why the most powerful person in the world in 2017 is an evil misogynistic orange TV Voldemort. Buy it for £9.98.

Because before long, it won't be a game, it will be life. Buy it for £14.95.



The perfect way to hide in the darkness until 2018 has come. Buy it for £17.99.




Puzzle your way out of political turmoil in the year that Brexit actually starts to happen. Buy it for £7.99.


Given the state of 2016, expect to be building shelter and catching food in the forest by the end of 2017. Buy it for £8.99.



Politics in 2017 will be angry and divisive, which does not make for polite conversation with controversial minded friends and family. This quiz game promises to end that with conversation starters from ice hotels to gothic fiction. Buy it for £9.95.


2017 may be easier to face with a stiff drink in hand. With this handy kit, you don't even need to leave the house and face the dark and dangerous 'outdoors', just brew booze from fruit juice. Buy it for £9.99.



Pre-order a book about a bouncer who went to fight ISIS. Learn about people with more bizarre ideas than you. Buy it for £8.99.


Always keep on Donald Trump by finding him in crowded scenes such as building a wall in Mexico or carving his face in Mount Rushmore. Buy it for £3.99.

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