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What if Mario Characters Had Political Views?

01:20Ciaran McCormick

1) Mario – New Labour/Tony Blair/David Miliband


I didn't come into politics to save Peach. I came into politics to save the Mushroom Kingdom.
Cartoon by Rhianna Whitwell
Mario is the ultimate New Labour character, the Tony Blair or David Miliband of the Mushroom Kingdom. He is a naturally charismatic leader who is bold, stands for what he thinks is right and will be remembered in history. Sure, there has been some unfortunate violence along the way, but Mario strived to bring peace and prosperity.


2) Luigi – Ed Miliband


Hell yes I'm tough enough.
Luigi is the younger, taller and thinner twin brother but has always been in the shadow of his brother. The Ed Miliband of the Mario world, he has been both a hero and a joke. He had his moment in the spotlight in ‘Luigi’s Mansion’ but we all tried to get over that quickly, much like Miliband’s Labour leadership. His reputation for cowardice means he strives to prove he is tough enough. His reckless behaviour means that he would think carving a stone with political policies would be a good idea.

3) Waluigi – Men’s Rights Activist

 
Not all men. Wahhhh.
One of the major antagonists in the Mario world, he hates most people apart from other MRAs such as Wario. He dislikes other people being happy, is over confident yet self-pitying and would definitely resent feminists trying to bring equality to the Mushroom Kingdom. This probably stems from his crush on Princess Daisy, who spurned his advances. His purple hat is an early variation of the fedora and he would definitely join Twitter to troll women disguised as a Yoshi egg.

4) Yoshi – Green Party


Dinosaurs aren't extinct! Save the planet.

Yoshi is an easy-going kind of guy that wants to save the world, eat berries and just help everyone get along. He believes in energy efficient transportation such as walking but runs away easily. He comes in many different colours but at heart he will always be Green.

5) King Boo – Shy Tories


I am actually an undecided voter. Right...

The leader of these mysterious ghosts is evil. However, when he is looked at he covers his face to avoid being seen, like the shy Tories that did not tell pollsters their real voting intentions. He shows his wealth and privilege with his jewel encrusted crown  and devises devious plans to destroy opponents and scare enemies. King Boo also has the same complexion and hair colour as Boris Johnson.

6) Toad and Toadette – Liberal Democrats

 
I will give you things if you be my friend?


These happy and easy-going mushroom-like creatures are surprisingly abundant. They exist in the games to serve, much like coalition era Liberal Democrats. However, Toads are very shy creatures that can be upset easily, crying when Mario was kidnapped.

7) Peach – Feminism


Save game files, not princesses.

The Princess is a modern woman and feminist. She is immensely successful, competing in both the summer and winter Olympics and has even broken barriers in traditionally male sports such as race car driving. She enjoys embracing her feminine side with her pink signature look but has a complex personality with a strong will, sense of adventure and kindness. Many try to paint her as the damsel in distress, but she is always trying to evade her captors by herself and rebuffs the aggressive advances of Bowser. Peach has many female friends such as Daisy and Toadette and a life outside of Mario and Luigi. She is not a perfect feminist and often lacks agency but serves as an inspiring role model for the adoring citizens of Mushroom Kingdom.

8) Bowser – UKIP


*indistinguishable roaring and rambling*

Like Nigel Farage, Bowser has never ceased to conquer the Kingdom. He is angry, mischievous and contemptuous with an army of mindless minions. Bowser is also an unpleasant character.  His use of dark magic can turn ordinary citizens into unpleasant things like blocks, items and racists. Unfortunately, nobody in UKIP has developed the ability to breathe fire yet, though they have been known to blow smoke on occasions.

9) Goombas – British National Party (BNP)


You get some real personality issues as a fungus.

These sentient mushrooms amble about aimlessly with pained expressions. They are easily defeated and have not been seen in many games recently. Ironically, they loathe the fact that they are brown.

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